I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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