I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
