I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
