in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
