That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
