He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
