the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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