Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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