It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
