I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
