after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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