are you so shy because you have an std?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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