drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
