She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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