I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
