he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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