it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
