this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
