i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
