Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
