He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
