My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
