She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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