Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
