She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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