This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
