i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
