Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
