I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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