I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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