You can't motorboat a personality
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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