you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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