Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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