I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
