i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
