Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
