In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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