I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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