so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
