what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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