"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
