I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
