Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
