you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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