Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
