You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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