I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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