Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
