According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
