I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
