There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
