East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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