i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
