i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
