just survived the first fart of the relationship.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
