My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
