i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
