Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
