i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
