well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
