Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
