Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
