I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
