she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
