Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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