Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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