She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Mom said you looked used
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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