Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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