anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
