Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
